… of the early bird swimmers
In the year of the Lord 2020 we experienced not only a warm but once again dry summer. When the world was then also afflicted by Corona, people looked for alternative sports and leisure activities. And so it came about that young Mathias made the acquaintance of the community of the early bird swimmers.
During this time, no Moses came down from the mountain and gave further commandments. Unfortunately. Mathias duly laboured to learn the following commandments for himself:
1. Thou shalt not use any likeness of any baths besides thy regular baths.
2. Thou shalt not blaspheme the names of the pool staff.
3. Thou shalt bow down thyself to the opening of the season and the opening hours of the day.
4. Honour the swimming champions and the restaurant owners.
5. Thou shalt not drown.
6. Thou shalt not do any other sports except swimming, aqua-jogging or walking or gymnastics (but then thou shalt also wear make-up and sunglasses with thy hair up). Diving and other new-fangled jumping competitions shall be reserved for adolescents.
7. Thou shalt not jump the queue. At the entrance thou shalt wait patiently at the back of the line or walk directly unto thy “friends” in the front. In the water thou shalt always swim at thine own god-given pace. If someone wishes to let thee go out of consideration, thou shalt look at him in disbelief and utter the words: “Are you waiting or something?“
8. Should the world be visited by a terrible affliction thou shalt always give thy real name when thou art being checked for admission and thou shalt not smuggle thy neighbour in. If thou beest prevented from coming and cannot use thy reserved place, thou shalt release it for thy neighbour(s).
9. Thou shalt not create an image of thy fellow swimmers, neither above nor below water. Especially not with backstroke swimmers who swim ahead.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s seat, lying area or shaded spot.
And so Mathias took much pleasure from the past summer season. May the Lord God also be well-disposed towards the early swimmers in 2021.
Original text: MHA
English translation: BCO